I want to be comfortable

Every so often, I have a stretch of time where I'm really annoyed with almost everyone. Usually it has to do with the mindlessness with which society lives life. We pursue such trivial things. Above all else, we pursue comfort. Comfort for the here and now or we work for comfort later.

Comfort can produce a midlife crisis. Comfort makes no progress toward anything except laziness and mediocrity. It doesn't take a wise man to realize that laying on the couch all day doesn't bring satisfaction (except while its happening). It takes only a slightly wiser man to realize that a big house, nice car, affluent neighborhood, and a high paying job doesn't produce satisfaction either.

I don't know how people can be so blinded (often including myself) by the lies of being comfortable. We look at people who are changing the world and gave so much of themselves to do it and we think,

"Wow, that's awesome. I wish I could do something like that."

OR

"Wow, that's awesome. I wish I could get the recognition for doing something like that."

Again, this is missing the point. The people who truly change the world (not movie stars and actors) don't do it for the recognition. They do it because they believe in the mission of whatever it is that they're doing. AND, they give themselves entirely to that mission. People like Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Beethoven, Mozart, Abraham Lincoln, etc...

We see people do these awesome things and we envy their sense of purpose and drive towards great things. Then, as soon as we recognize that this envy could motivate us to move out of our comfort zones, we put it out of our minds and go back to our cozy lives. This cycle repeats every so often throughout all of our lives.

Cycle
1. We're comfortable
2. A revolutionary idea, person, or movement crosses our path and causes us to consider doing something to promote good.
3. We get scared that doing something out of the ordinary will cost us our comfort - the very thing that produces no satisfaction anyway.
4. We make the decision not to act because we're scared.
5. We drift back towards pursuing comfortable lives
6. Repeat

Then, yesterday, a friend helped me to realize something.

I was telling him that when I first became a dad, I felt like I had to fake that I loved my kids. It felt like extended babysitting at first and the instantness of it caught my heart off guard. My brain knew that I should love my kids, so I acted like I loved them. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy them, I just didn't love them the way I loved Kristen or others in my life.

Then, as time went on, and I practiced loving my kids, it was like my heart caught up with my mind. I really do love my kids now. I'd do anything for them.

In my life, I've learned that I can teach myself to have the feeling associated with love by practicing the practical part of love. My brain is usually a step ahead of my heart. Once my heart catches on, it sticks.

I think this is where people get stuck. Their brains are presented with something they know is true and good. But, before their hearts can get too attached to the idea, they forcibly forget about it and slip back into the lie that living comfortably is best pursuit.

Money buys happiness, right?

My job is to teach kids math. Just as in all areas of education, we're always striving to find ways to increase the achievement and understanding of each student. In the past several weeks, I've started to question that. Part of it is seeing students' drive to all go to college and major in something that is more than likely, lucrative. Instead, I'd like to see us focus on developing responsible students who can think for themselves instead of blindly following the "college dream."

Another factor is that I've sent my first kid to kindergarten this year. Do I want Viola to learn her colors, basic math facts, and keep up with other kids? Of course I do. But, regardless of whether she's an A or C student, she'll learn these things. She'll learn to read, write, and do basic math. More than anything else, I hope she learns to think for herself, love and respect people, and love Jesus. I seriously hope that's what she gets from us as parents before she leaves the nest. 

I want her to live a life of passion, asking difficult questions and deciding for herself what is important and what isn't. As parents, we're supposed to "raise our children in the way they should go so that when they're older, they won't depart from it." But I think parents have interpreted that to mean "Be a high academic achiever so you can have enough (and hopefully more) money one day."

This exists as such a stark contrast in my head because no one will agree that money is the key to happiness - yet we all act like it. At the end of life, whether religious or not, people will have a greater sense of fulfillment if they've lived a life of passion. A life of giving and helping the less fortunate, raising children, fighting for a cause, and spending quality time with family and friends. 

Our actions and words tell the opposite story. The pressures I feel for my life sounds something like this:

 "Make sure you get all A's so you can get lots of scholarships and go to the best college you can. When you get there, find a major that you like (but not if its not lucrative or in high demand). Graduate from college, work your way up the corporate (lucrative) ladder and sometime along the way, acquire another quarter million dollars of debt in cars and houses and pop out a couple of kids. 

Also, you should indulge yourself by having a boat, motorcycle, timeshare, RV, or cabin. Make sure you've been saving as much as you can though because you want to have a sufficient enough retirement (enough to be as lazy as possible while having as much fun too)."

Clearly this cannot be the one size fits all path for everyone's life. So, for the sake of Viola having an unbiased upbringing, maybe I'll tell her she shouldn't go to college so she has a fighting chance of making her own decision instead of blindly following the crowd.

I'm not against going to college, having a lot of money, or having a motorcycle. I have several of the things I've torn down above. I just don't think its a one size fits all life. I think a lot of people have gotten it wrong and put all their stock in all the wrong places.

Charlotte = 2 months!

Time for an update!
So, Charlotte is 2 months old, Viola is in Kindergarten, Gideon is doing preschool with Kristen, Kristen joined Mary Kay, and I'm teaching new classes this year. We also have a new roommate (Tab) in a still newish house. The baby is SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT. Not that I ever had a right to complain. Kristen has been a CHAMP at getting up with the baby. She knows I've got a lot going on at school so she's shouldered most of that responsibility.

We had a court hearing for the termination of Charlotte's biological parents' rights. All went well with that and we'll be able to adopt her officially in January!

Viola has started Kindergarten and she seems to like it a lot. She does however have a rough time with the transition after school. She can be quite rude with Kristen and seems to have a hard time following instructions (maybe its because she does that all day?)

Gideon might be having the hardest time with the transition. He's Mr. Sensitive and it shows. He acts out when he wants some attention and throws some temper tantrums he didn't used to throw. That being said, he's gradually gotten better. Kristen has done a good job at finding things for him to do or places to go during the day.

Kristen and I are doing well. Recently, we've readjusted some of the roles of who does what around the house - and we're still figuring it out. I think we've made a lot of progress at handling logistics of the new phase of life. Now, if we could just figure out some of the other stuff like having time to spend together!

Life is busy, but all in all, I think things are going really well. Fall is my favorite season. I love the brisk weather and I'm anxious for changing leaves and morning fog.

Personally:
Those closest to me know that I'm almost always a little discontent. While this has its obvious downside, its sort of a blessing for my family as well. I'm always searching for more. I have conversations and do a lot of research about life and alternate ways to live it. Even with Charlotte and my teaching gig (all new classes which I mostly enjoy), I always have this nagging feeling that I'm missing the mark just a little - so, I keep digging.

The more I wallow in this place, the weirder I feel and the weirder I feel that more people don't have these same thoughts of semi-discontentment. People have unlimited potential and awesomely unique personalities. These days, I find myself gravitating toward anything/anyone that feels unique. This is probably because if it feels unique, I assume it/he/she is closer to some truth of life than those all doing the same things. The things that many seem to hold near and dear don't seem like things I want to hold near and dear. But, like any other Joe Schmo, I am cyclicly re-addicted to the same meaningless things (Netflix, Facebook, Instagram, etc..). Luckily, I've managed to avoid Iowa Football outcomes as a barometer of my mood for the entire weekend.

Lately, the life enriching experiences I want to pursue are:

Family:
   * Gideon and Viola have transitions involving Charlotte, daycare, and Kindergarten.
   * Charlotte needs a competent father figure. Its a work in progress!
   * Figure out how to spend quality time with Kristen (not just watching Netflix).
   * I'm sure Leon is permanently depressed.

Me:
   * I want to catch more sunrises in scenic places.
   * Continue to leverage our budget to pay down debt.
   * Find time to hang with people in my my age/stage of life.

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom...

Lately, time has just been zooming by. We've been so busy and just so extremely blessed.

Vacation
In the first 10 days of June, we went on a vacation out west. First, we camped outside of Omaha and went to the zoo the next day. Then, we made our way out to Colorado Springs were we spent an awesome 3 days exploring. We were very fortunate to stay with my cousin and her husband. They had sweet accommodations for us. I took a nap everyday. IT WAS PURE BLISS. Did I mention they have no humidy and no bugs?? Ya, pure bliss.

Next, we visited some of Kristen's friends in Fort Collins, Colorado. They were awesome as well. They grilled out for us and took us to an awesome brewery in town.

Lastly (as far as the wild west goes), we headed another 6 hours north to Cody, Wyoming to see some friends from college. We got to see a gun show, drove through incredible state parks, and spent some time just hanging out and resting up before the long trek back.

The kids did awesome in the car. I attribute this to them watching movies on my laptop about 80-90% of the time. I'm excited that this trip went so well because it makes us feel like we have the option to travel further than we'd previously thought.

New House
Next, we sold our house and moved into a new house! We're super pumped about this house in so many ways. In its basic form, its a 4 bedroom, 1.75 bath house. But to us, its a much more adequate tool for pursuing some life goals than our previous house. As of now, we've been in the house for a week and have pretty well settled in. I'm still doing a lot of little maintenance things around the property, but things are coming along nicely.

Baby
Sometime in the next month or so, we're expecting little baby Kimball! We're pursuing another adoption out of Waterloo and her due date is Mid-July. We've been working with the birth mom quite a bit and everything seems to be going as planned. Also, people are being so generous with donations for our adoption that things are looking great financially. I was pretty worried about our finances, even while we were on our vacation. But, we've really been blessed here in these last few weeks.

I know this is an action packed post that probably should be at least three, separate posts, but oh well, life has just been happening at warped speed lately, so deal with it...

Derek

4 years in!

Today is our four-year anniversary. I only met Kristen about a year before that and things moved along rather quickly. I can truly say that the last four years have been a complete joy. When I was debating about whether to marry Kristen or not, I remember reading somewhere in the Bible that in marriage, a person's interests can be divided... between his/her spouse and the Lord. So, one of the things I thought long and hard about was whether Kristen helps me to be more devoted to the Lord or not.

DUH.

In those days before our engagement, I was paying close attention to our relationship and I realized how many times I would over think something and Kristen would say just the right thing to clear it up. I'm a guy and I need her bluntness like I need oxygen sometimes. And, believe me, she lacks nothing in that category... 

When I hear all the stereotypes that wives often get labeled with, I'm amazed that Kristen barely fits any of them. 

Does she nag?

Does she keep me from going out with friends?

Does she expect that I just "know" what she needs/wants?

Does she take forever to get ready to go somewhere?

Does she have to have plans well in advance?

Does she go shopping and spend a lot of money?

Does she tell me not to buy things you want (motorcycles)?

Does she get mad at me when you spend all night in the garage?

Does she roll her eyes when you talk about your crazy ideas?

Is she passive-aggressive?

Does she get mad when I want to play video games?

NO. 

Seriously, the answer to all of these questions is no (except for the eye rolling thing). For half of them, she encourages it! For example, she's ready to go anywhere in about ten minutes (if that) flat. I never have to guess what she's thinking. We fly by the seat of our pants almost every night (which sometimes has its negatives) and she spends very little on things we don't need. This has allowed us to pay off loans, save up for another adoption, and buy a new house. SO HUGE. She doesn't mind when I spend time in the garage and she's honestly better than I am at Call of Duty. I seriously scored big time.

On top of this, we share a passion for adopting children. She has been on board with this so much that we'll be able to adopt our third child this summer (fingers crossed!) and she'll get to stay home next school year while doing very minimal daycare. The things she contributes to our house are just amazing. I feel great knowing that I can leave for work every day and know that she'll take care of all home operations. On top of that, she works within the confines of our budget so that a family of 5 (soon to be) can live comfortably on a 4th-year teacher's salary. 

Sometimes when I step away from it all, I'm truly shocked with how luck I am. Kristen is reason number 1 for that. 

PS: I have 3 days of school left this semester and Kristen is on board for our 2500 mile, van camping road trip that was my idea and we'll be leaving in a week.

Does it get any better???

(All the other husbands can insert jealous feelings here _________).

"Ahem, is this thing on?"

Sometimes in my haste, I wonder why I make such haste. Bills, work, and the latest technology have never been sustaining and probably never will be. Most things aren't a big deal. But, people and relationships are. Other than that, who cares.

The more I think of it the more I'm intrigued by the topics of nature, art, and music. So many claim to have such a profound connection with these things, but they're hard to squeeze in after I read my necessary Facebook posts, tweets, and Instagrams. How can anyone have time for them when working 50 hours, trying to keep up with a mortgage, take care of two kids, and clean a house?

I think that's just it. I don't and never will have that time. While these things aren't bad, I just know there is more to be experienced.

Sometimes, I wonder if people were ever meant to own all their own things and provide by all their own means. I know man's curse is "by the sweat of your brow" and all, but it seems like if we worked together and maybe even lived together (don't you roll your eyes at me!) we could lighten the load for everyone.

Then, maybe all of us could experience more of the beauty in the world and help those not in a position to experience that beauty.

I sound like a hippy.

*gets off soapbox*

I just want life to easy and sandy beaches and chill music and good whiskey.

Its February and its cold and winter and I'm apathetic. I'm restless for something. I have a Macbook, iPad, iPod, cell phone, Netflix, mortgage, multiple vehicles, kids, a dog, and job, and I somehow feel restless.

There will always be the next big thing and I'm really tired of the next big thing. I'm really tired of the pursuit of romanticizing the idea of financial freedom and an open schedule.

Its crazy that I become weary of all the things I desperately chase after. Its counter-intuitive. Maybe I'm overly analytical or no one voices it, but how do people go about the same business everyday and not go crazy? How do people spend 51 weeks/year in the same 51 mile radius when there is a whole world out there?

Do people need structure and order or do we need open spaces and freedom to be happy? Maybe it depends on the person?

Oh, and just to be clear, my life is going well. I just hate that I must be entertained or I get bored.

I feel like I'm strapped to a merry-go-round lately. I'm in a rut and I'm just blah. I don't even want the "turn to God" answer even though I need it. I just want life to easy and sandy beaches and chill music and good whiskey.