Working part time as an adult

I’ve been reading articles online about how more and more dads are unhappy with their work/life balance. It seems like around 65% feel that they work too much. In my opinion, it boils down to societal expectations and maybe more specifically, wanting to maintain a certain level of affluence (keeping up with the Jones’).  To me, it makes more sense to be happy with my work/life balance and not have a new SUV, huge TV, newest smart phone, etc… Not that those things are inherently bad, just if they get in the way.

So, I propose that more dads (and moms for that matter) should consider working part time.

But what about health insurance and retirement plans? Don’t you want to have a house, go on trips, and send your kids to college?

Well, yes. But, I think there is more fat that can be trimmed in most people’s budgets than they realize. Our family has been doing this over the last year and has managed to trim a few hundred dollars and we’ve got plans to trim a few hundred more over the next year. Add all this up and we’re talking about several thousand dollars of savings. So, my answer to that is: Yes, we need health insurance and retirement plans, but at what cost? And who says the cost of paying for these things out of pocket isn’t worth the extra time I can spend with my family?

Maybe it won’t work for every family, maybe not even mine. But I also know I don’t want to look back in 20 years and realize that my kids and wife grew up disconnected from me the majority of the time. I think I’d kick myself if I didn’t give it a shot.

So, unlike most of my ideas (90% of which I don’t post and you should be thankful), I’d really love your feedback. So be anonymous, I don’t care. But please respond if you have thoughts!

Derek

What do you give your life to?

Everyone gives their life to something. Be it their spouse, family,  job, a cause, or to God, everyone gives it to something or someone. One measurement of what people give their lives to, is where they spend their time.

There's definitely a time and place for Netflix, Hulu, Pinterest, texting, Facebook, Twitter and the like. I enjoy several of these things as much as the next person. However, the nights that I realize I've been scrolling through Twitter/Facebook feeds for half an hour straight make me feel like I'm wasting my time. I feel that if the vast majority of my time is not spent persuing the 3-5 things that I want to give my life to, then something is screwed up. Also, not doing this leaves me feeling like a waste of space.

So, without further ado, here are my top 3.

1. My relationship with God
2. My relationship with my family/friends
3. My job satisfaction/providing adequate income

Now, I'd say that most of the time, the time spent in each of the categories is in the reverse order of how they're listed. But, they're not. So, I've got some work to do. However, I'm getting there. I've made a major change in my life in the last week. The thing that requires most of my time and most of my energy is going to change.

I'm switching jobs.

I'm keenly aware of the fact that working at East drains me of most of my physical and mental engery, not to mention my time. To be honest, I love the kids. I love the staff. The thing I don't love is educational policy/politics. I will look for another teaching job. I guess I should give another school/district a shot before I hang it up for good. Who knows, maybe It'll be different.

The thing that I'll never get away from in a typical job is the amount of time I spend maintaining it. I will always view it as number 3 on the list, yet it will almost always claim the number 1 spot. So, my wife and I are slowly adopting a different lifestyle.

We're lowering our budget and restructuring our lives to make it possible for our jobs to be less and our families/relationships with God to be more.

We've decided that if Kristen opens an in home day care, we can make progress towards this goal. So, Kristen has decided to do this and she's quite excited about it. I've got a summer gig lined up and who knows what'll happen after that. It doesn't matter. What will matter in ten or twenty years will be how I used the time I was given.

So, in summary, everyone gives their lives to someone or something. Is the thing that you're giving your life to worth it?

The cycle of poverty

A fellow math teacher teaches in my room during my planning period. Today, she was talking about health insurance premiums and the kids were all going crazy about expensive it is. Then, several kids said, "I'll just stay on my title 19!" Yet another reason why kids/adults in poverty find it difficult to get out of poverty.

Coffee Shop Wisdom

So, I had an idea today. Often times, I have ideas that I'd love to get down on paper or blog about. These ideas go about as quickly as they come and I usually think, "Crap, what was that thing I was thinking the other day..." So, I thought that if I recorded my idea and then posted it on my blog, I'd be able to access it later and others could hear my thoughts and comment if they felt led.

Like a lot of my ideas, they only last for a short time. I may do this once a year, once a month, once a week, or never again. Regardless, here's the recording of a mental connection that I made today after visiting with a lady at a coffee shop.

Thoughts?

Tiny House or Bust

Lately, I've been obsessed. I've realized that a lot of my current desires stem from one thing: the lack of freedom I have.

Now, I don't mean that my wife never lets me leave the house or that my kids tie me down. Mostly, its exactly the opposite.

I have two kids that I've known for only 5 months and their daycare lady sees them more than I do. I have a job that I like about half the time and during some stretches, sort of consumes my life. I have a mortgage, student loans, and a truckload of other bills that are a direct result of the lifestyle I've lived and the decisions I've made (not that any of these are bad in and of themselves).

There are things that I want to do, other than what I do on a day to day basis now. I'd love to coach, teach some adjunct classes at Hawkeye, volunteer more within church ministries and other non-profits. I'd love to be part of my kids' early morning routine instead of only their bedtime routine. I'd love to meet friends for lunch and pour myself into God and into other meaningful relationships.

Instead, I find that I'm mostly spread (thin) between about... 200 people in a given week, half of which, are my students. I find myself thinking of doing other jobs only to come back to the realization that my current job is the probably the only job that supports my family's lifestyle adequately.

And then, I realized something

My lifestyle is less important to me than all of those other things that I'd love to do. So, why do I have a mortgage, a so-so 40 hour a week job, and lack of time for my most meaningful relationships?

I was too afraid to question the norms.

But now that I am questioning them, I've come to something of a conclusion: I would drastically change my lifestyle to accomodate more time with my kids, volunteering, coaching, etc... So, how do I do that?

Well, changing my lifestyle would start with getting rid of the things that keep me from doing the things I want to do. It all boils down to one thing. Money. Right now, my life requires too much of it. My biggest expenses are: My house, our student loans, and daycare. Now, none of these things are bad, but those three things consume about 70% of our monthly budget.

Lifestyle changes happen only when people question the norms. For me, this means thinking about where I spend the most resources and evaluating whether they reflect what I value.

This is where I got crazy addicted to the idea of the "tiny house." These are small houses that people live in that are exceptionally efficient and modern, but super small. The ones I was particularly interested in are built on trailers, therefore ridding the owner of a mortgage, home insurance, property taxes, and a slew of other costs associated with home ownership. All in all, our costs per month would go down by about a third if we lived in a tiny house.

Now, I've got a wife, two kids, and a dog. The tiny thing just probably isn't going to work for us. Besides, Kristen isn't too crazy about it anyway (I believe 'freak' was the the term she used to describe me during that conversation).

Nevertheless, the idea of downsizing substantially to reduce our monthly costs is very appealing. Another thing that we've had a fair amount of luck with is renting our basement. We've been fairly fortunate to have good friends who've needed temporary housing that were glad to use that space. So, a tiny house is not the only way to substantially reduce our monthly budget, nor is it a 'fix all' solution, its just one that looked particularly appealing to me.

Refining.

Bless our God, O peoples,  And sound His praise abroad, Who keeps us in life  And does not allow our feet to slip. For You have tried us, O God;  You have refined us as silver is refined. You brought us into the net;  You laid an oppressive burden upon our loins. You made men ride over our heads;  We went through fire and through water,  Yet You brought us out into  a place of  abundance. (Psalms 66:8-12 NASB)

This has been one of my favorite passages for a long time - mostly because I often fall into the bad habit of not spending time with God until I'm at a point of desperation.

Silver is refined by completely melting it, removing its impurities, and letting it harden again. The passage also states that oppressive burdens are laid on us - to refine us. Lastly, he brings us to a place of abundance. He restores us. He wants us to be happy, healthy, successful, etc...

Right now is one of those times for me.  I need to remember that being refined is not fun, but I'd rather not look back on my life and feel that it was wasted because I was always in a place of comfort, either.

Press on. Lean into God. Know that he wants what's best for me too.

Church: Big or Small?

Are churches more effective as multiple smaller units or as fewer, larger congregations? Or, does each several a unique purpose?

I've been attending the church I'm currently attending for 4 (ish) yers now. Sometimes, I'm frustrated because I'll walk all the way from the parking lot to my seat in the gym (where services are held) and not know anyone's name. I have been involved in college ministry, high school ministry, and band at some point during the last four years, so, it seems like this should be impossible. While its better all the time, something just feels odd about it.

Thriving churches have people with healthy relationships. What I've found, is, the larger the community I'm a part of, the harder it is to feel really connected to people. Its much easier to have lots of shallow relationships than it is to have fewer, deeper, more meaningful ones. It's my preference and belief that more is done for the kingdom of God through deeper relationships. In my experience, nothing of eternal value is accomplished when I'm hanging out with people that I don't have deep relationships with.

On the flip side of all that, maybe bigger churches have their place. I emailed the vision leader for the church that I'm a part of about this issue. He agrees that larger churches often have a harder time getting people connected. However, he also told me that our church helped out dozens of other, smaller churches in some way over the last year. What an impact! Also, its not that deep relationships can't happen in a big church, they just often take more initiative than those of a smaller church.

So, as of now, I'd say that its pretty hard to say that the best church size is ____. No church is perfect and if someone claims theirs is, they're not thinking hard enough or aren't telling you somthing.