The Abundance of Grace

Grace is a funny concept. When I think about it, I think of a child who is misbehaving and breaks some of his mom’s fine china. When mom doesn’t punish the child for the child’s actions even though the child deserves it, the child is confused. This is the picture I have of grace. I relate to the child in this picture because it doesn’t seem that this is usually how this situation would play out. Usually, the child would be disciplined for his actions and the mom would be upset with the child for at least a little while.

When I was in 8th grade, I was taking Algebra 1. I wasn’t too good at it and therefore, needed extra help after school from time to time. On one evening, my pastor was supposed to pick me up because he wanted to “coach” me to help me improve my basketball skills. I was uncomfortable with this idea, so I decided to go to a friend’s house and hang out until my pastor went back home. When I got home and my mom asked me where I’d been, I told her that I had gotten help, after school, with Algebra. However, she had contacted the school and confirmed that I was not there. WHAM! She caught me. She was very upset at the lie that I’d told; especially because my pastor had come 25 miles to pick me up and I never showed. No matter how many times I said I was sorry, she wasn’t ready to forgive me right then and there. Up to this point, I’d never seen my mom so upset. I felt like the lowest of people on the earth for making her feel that way.

When I screw up in life, I feel the same way that I felt on that day when I betrayed my mother’s trust. I know God watches my every move and knows my every thought. I know it must upset him when I do things that are wrong. Therefore, I always feel like crap for an extended period of time when I become consciously aware of my screw-up. I feel like God is out in the clouds somewhere with a scowl on his face and a finger pointed in my direction, scolding me for the sin that I’ve just committed. I feel so ashamed that the thought of God forgiving me seems far-fetched. It seems like God would have to be crazy to be able to forgive me and then want to continue his relationship with me.

As in the story with my mom, I feel like God needs some space for awhile. I feel like he'll not want me around for a couple days. This is yet another aspect of God that I can't comprehend. Like in the story of the prodigal son, God runs out to meet me as soon as I've repented. He wants to kill the fatted calf and celebrate that his son has returned home (see Luke 15:11-32). Immediately, he's forgiven me. How can this be? All my experiences tell me that God shouldn't act this way. Its hard to remember that his abundant grace is not something that man can possess. He loves me more than I can even comprehend. Repentance is a step in the right direction; a step God wants to see me take. Therefore, it makes him happy.

God doesn't exist within the boundaries of the human mind. He's bigger than the box I try to place him in. When I remember this, I have an easier time accepting the grace that is freely given to me. I think learning to accept grace more freely is going to be key to my growth in Christ. Often, when I find it hard to accept it, I wallow in my own misery. That time immediately following my repentance is then wasted. Hopefully, through accepting grace more freely, I can make more consistent steps toward spiritual growth and ultimately growing closer in relationship with Christ.