Each According to his own Ability.

Often times, I find myself expecting that God will give me some big challenge that will require a big leap of faith on my part. Since these thoughts happen only occasionally, my next thought is usually wondering why God hasn't given me an opportunity to do so. A cool thing has happened and is still happening to me lately. I realized how backwards my thinking was.

Just like a seventh grader who goes out for basketball doesn't immediately make the High School Varsity squad, we have to take small steps at first in order to take bigger steps later on. I hadn't really put this together in the context of my relationship with God. First of all, God is not going to give me something that I can't handle. Second of all, why would God give me an opportunity to go serve people in a third world country when I often don't even serve those that I'm comfortable with right now?

I think the story of the talents in Matthew 25: 14-30 does a good job of relating this. Below is Matt 25:14-18.

"Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money."

First of all, notice that the man gave the talents to his servants, each according to his own ability. Likewise, God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. Secondly, the story ends with the master being happy with the two servants who responded to what the master had given them by gaining more. However, he's angry with the servant who buried his money in the ground.

I think I represent the guy who buried his money in the ground. God gives me opportunities. Albeit, they're often smaller opportunities, but they are opportunities nonetheless. Sometimes, I don't even realize that I'm quenching the spirit's prompting until after I've already done so. Only recently have I been seeing these opportunities more clearly.

Responding to these spiritual prompts, that I feel every so often, is absolutely amazing. Sometimes, they include just listening to a friend who needs someone to hear them out. Sometimes, it means breaking a communication barrier with someone you're uncomfortable with. Sometimes, it means saying something to a random person that you may never see again. I realize these are all general things, but these are all prompts that I've received from the Holy Spirit over the last month or so.

Its exciting to me to know that the spirit is prompting me to do things. Also, its even more exciting when I actually have the guts to respond in the right way. I almost always know what the spirit wants me to do when it happens. Its usually my own brain that gets in the way. "That would be awkward, I'll be late for class, I don't know that person, etc.." These are usually the things that come into my head when I feel the spirit's prompting.

Like most things in the life of a follower of Jesus, I think its always important to keep in mind why we do the things we do. Of course our mommies, daddies, pastors, teachers, etc... tell us that we need to act a certain way. They tell us that we should honor God's commands. But why? What's the big deal anyway? The more I think about this, the more I realize the sheer magnitude of love that Christ displayed for us. As I begin to dive into this, I'm always overwhelmed that someone that perfect would endure something so humiliating. For me. I do the the things I do out of love for my savior; NOT because some big shot figure of christian culture tells me its what a christian should do. [mini-rant...haha.]

The Abundance of Grace

Grace is a funny concept. When I think about it, I think of a child who is misbehaving and breaks some of his mom’s fine china. When mom doesn’t punish the child for the child’s actions even though the child deserves it, the child is confused. This is the picture I have of grace. I relate to the child in this picture because it doesn’t seem that this is usually how this situation would play out. Usually, the child would be disciplined for his actions and the mom would be upset with the child for at least a little while.

When I was in 8th grade, I was taking Algebra 1. I wasn’t too good at it and therefore, needed extra help after school from time to time. On one evening, my pastor was supposed to pick me up because he wanted to “coach” me to help me improve my basketball skills. I was uncomfortable with this idea, so I decided to go to a friend’s house and hang out until my pastor went back home. When I got home and my mom asked me where I’d been, I told her that I had gotten help, after school, with Algebra. However, she had contacted the school and confirmed that I was not there. WHAM! She caught me. She was very upset at the lie that I’d told; especially because my pastor had come 25 miles to pick me up and I never showed. No matter how many times I said I was sorry, she wasn’t ready to forgive me right then and there. Up to this point, I’d never seen my mom so upset. I felt like the lowest of people on the earth for making her feel that way.

When I screw up in life, I feel the same way that I felt on that day when I betrayed my mother’s trust. I know God watches my every move and knows my every thought. I know it must upset him when I do things that are wrong. Therefore, I always feel like crap for an extended period of time when I become consciously aware of my screw-up. I feel like God is out in the clouds somewhere with a scowl on his face and a finger pointed in my direction, scolding me for the sin that I’ve just committed. I feel so ashamed that the thought of God forgiving me seems far-fetched. It seems like God would have to be crazy to be able to forgive me and then want to continue his relationship with me.

As in the story with my mom, I feel like God needs some space for awhile. I feel like he'll not want me around for a couple days. This is yet another aspect of God that I can't comprehend. Like in the story of the prodigal son, God runs out to meet me as soon as I've repented. He wants to kill the fatted calf and celebrate that his son has returned home (see Luke 15:11-32). Immediately, he's forgiven me. How can this be? All my experiences tell me that God shouldn't act this way. Its hard to remember that his abundant grace is not something that man can possess. He loves me more than I can even comprehend. Repentance is a step in the right direction; a step God wants to see me take. Therefore, it makes him happy.

God doesn't exist within the boundaries of the human mind. He's bigger than the box I try to place him in. When I remember this, I have an easier time accepting the grace that is freely given to me. I think learning to accept grace more freely is going to be key to my growth in Christ. Often, when I find it hard to accept it, I wallow in my own misery. That time immediately following my repentance is then wasted. Hopefully, through accepting grace more freely, I can make more consistent steps toward spiritual growth and ultimately growing closer in relationship with Christ.